The Silverware Escapade
by CoffeeRanger
Summary: Bilba has always been protective over her silverware. So what happens when her twins decide to "borrow" them for a day of playing house? Throw a couple of Sackville-Bagginses into the mix and you've got a recipe for disaster. Established Fem!Bilbo/Gandalf with three daughters and Frodo as their adopted son.
1. Chapter 1

**A/n: This was supposed to be a one-shot about Bilba and Gandalf's twin girls getting into trouble when they steal Bilba's silverware. And then the Sackville-Bagginses got involved and now I'm looking at a two, possibly three-shot. :P**

 **Thank you so much for this prompt, Jess! I've loved exploring this idea. It's not exactly like we talked about, but the spoons still get used as missiles. I hope you like it, my friend. :D**

 **Disclaimer: Don't own it.**

 **~~~~ Line Break ~~~~**

"We're gonna get in trouble, Dahlia."

The Hobbit/Maia lass was sneaking after her twin sister through the hallways of their smial. She kept glancing around, jumping at each shift in the shadows as if expecting something to jump out and grab her at any minute. She stuck close behind Dahlia, holding on loosely to the back of her dress.

"You know how Mama feels about her spoons." She continued as they made it to the backdoor and exited into the warm summer day. She licked her lips and checked her pocket for the fifth time to make sure that the three spoons tucked in there were in fact still there. "If we go back now, we can return them before Mama knows they're gone. Please, can't we take them back?"

"No." Dahlia answered. She reached back and grabbed her older sister's hand, "Mama won't mind. It's not like we're doing anything to the spoons. She won't even know they've been gone. Now come on!" She tugged on their joined hands, breaking into a jog. Iris sighed, but began running after her.

"Why did we have to use Mama's good spoons? We could have played House just as easily with the regular spoons. Mama said these ones came from Great-Great-Grandma Berylla. They're _old._ Even _Papa_ 's careful when we use these spoons."

Dahlia stopped running. Sighing, she turned to face Iris. "I've already explained that. Every _proper_ house has to have silver spoons. We want our house to be a proper house, don't we?"

"Yeah… but-"

"There's no 'but.'" Dahlia cut in. "If we used the regular spoons, our house would be normal. It be like -" She pursed her lips trying to find an example. "like the Sackville-Baggins' house. I heard Mama tell Papa that Aunt Lobelia doesn't have a set of silver spoons which is why she's always trying to take ours. Do you _want_ our house to be like theirs?"

"No!" Iris grimaced and shook her head. "They're awful. And their house is so boring. I hate having to go to tea there."

"Then we need Mama's special spoons. We'll be careful with them. We'll be back before she even notices they're gone."

"Okay…"

"Come on!" Dahlia grabbed her hand once more and they took off running around the backside of the Hill.

Their mother had no problem with them exploring around the Shire. It had been on one of their "adventures" that they discovered the perfect spot in the entire Shire. It was a short way away from the Party Tree clearing, bordering on a field of corn. In the far corner of the field, there was a small section where a tree had once stood. Its stump sat in the middle and wildflowers grew all around, filling the air with their perfume during the spring and summer. With the corn stalks on one side and a small stream on another, it was the perfect place to set up a "house."

Dahlia and Iris loved to play there as much as possible. Their mother had even given them some old chipped and cracked crock ware to take with them when they went. They'd pretend to be princesses – from the Mountain kingdom of Erebor or the elven haven of Gondolin back in days of old – who were having kings and princes over for tea.

It was to that spot that they headed. They skirted around smials and ducked through back gardens. Finally, they entered the Party Tree clearing and ran over to their special spot.

"See, I told you nothing would happen." Dahlia said as they sat down next to the stump. Iris stuck her tongue out at her.

"It still might." Iris answered, but now that they were at their destination, she seemed a bit more relaxed. "I'll get the rest of the dishes. Who do you want to be today?"

"I don't care. You choose."

Iris pursed her lips, "Why don't we be from Gondor today? Papa makes it sound so interesting."

"Okay! I'll be… Lady...Um, Lady Marwen. How about you?"

"Uh. Lady mmm… Lady Haleth!"

"Okay." Dahlia grinned at her twin, and Iris grinned back. Then she turned and ran towards the stream, ducking down just before reaching it. She pulled a stack of plates, bowls, and saucers from inside a bush and then brought them back.

She and Iris spent the next hour setting everything out and playing that they were rich ladies from Gondor. The silver spoons were the perfect touch, and even Iris admitted that they made the game much more enjoyable. Halfway through their tea party, they were interrupted by their brother.

"What are you two doing?" He asked crossing his arms and tilting his head.

Iris looked up and smiled, "We're playing tea party. I'm Lady Haleth and Dahlia is Lady Marwen. We're from Gondor. Do you want to play? You can be Lord Ecthelion. Papa says he's really nice. Like you."

Dahlia smiled up at him too, "Yeah, Frodo. Come on. It'll be fun. We've even got special spoons. See?" She held up one of the purloined spoons.

Frodo's eyes widened, "Are those Mama's spoons? Does she know that you have them?"

Iris pursed her lips, "Not exactly. We're just borrowing them. We'll return them when we're done. Come on. Please play with us?"

Frodo rolled his eyes, "All right. Who am I again?"

"Yay!" Both girls squealed.

Dahlia reached up and grabbed his hand, pulling him down to sit next to her. "You're Ecthelion. Remember Papa told us about him the other night? Since we're ladies of Gondor, it's all right that we have tea with you." She bit her lip, brow furrowing, "Right? That's okay, isn't it?"

"Of course it is." Frodo soothed. "When we're playing, we can do whatever we want. Now, are you and Iris -"

Iris frowned and elbowed him.

"I'm sorry. Are you and Lady _Haleth_ visiting me or shall I be visiting you?"

Dahlia looked over at Iris.

"Why don't you visit us?" Iris said. "Since we know where everything is, we can be more hospitable than you would be able to."

"All right." Frodo stood back up and walked a few steps away. Then he walked back towards where Iris and Dahlia were sitting. Stopping one step away, he bowed at the waist. "Good 'morrow, Lady Marwen, Lady Haleth. I pray I am not late."

"Not late at all, my lord Steward. Won't you sit down?" Iris motioned to the space in between her and Dahlia.

"My thanks, Lady Haleth." Frodo sat down.

"How are you doing today, my lord?" Dahlia questioned.

"I am very well, thank you for asking. Thank you for asking me for tea."

"It was our pleasure. Lady Haleth, can you get the Steward a cup and plate please?"

Iris nodded, but before she could pull out another cup and plate from where she had stacked the extras, they were interrupted by yet another voice.

"What do we have here?"

All three children looked up to see their cousin Lotho standing over them. He had a big sneer on his face, and his arms were crossed over his chest.

"Nothing, Lotho." Frodo said evenly.

Even though his tone was civil, his eyes narrowed. Whenever Lotho Sackville-Baggins was around it meant trouble, especially when _they_ were the ones around him. His mother had never forgiven theirs for showing back up – and for showing back up with more heirs to keep her grubby hands off of Bag-End. Unfortunately, that animosity had trickled down to Lotho, despite Frodo's and the Twins' best attempts to make friends with him. Mirninhen was a lost cause. She remembered only too well how the entire Sackville-Baggins family had treated her and their family.

"We're playing, Lotho. Go 'way." Dahlia stated, crossing her own arms. "We don't want you here."

Lotho ignored her, instead turning his attention to the objects on the stump-table. "What are you doing? Playing tea party?"

"No. We're being sociable and engaging in matters of the court." Iris said. "And you're interrupting, which is extremely rude. It's not nice to show up to an engagement without an invitation."

Again, Lotho simply ignored the girl's words. Instead, he turned to Frodo, "What are you doing playing _tea party_? That's for babies."

Frodo narrowed his eyes further and his right hand clenched into a fist, "No, it's not, Lotho. And that's rude to say. Please go away. We'd like to get back to our game."

"What if I want to play?"

"You can't!" Dahlia stood up. "We don't want you here. You always take over and then it's not fun anymore. And we don't have enough place settings. Go away, Lotho."

At the mention of the place settings, Lotho turned to look at the amount of crockery. His eyebrow rose when his gaze landed on the spoons proudly displayed on the "table."

"Isn't that Aunt Bilba's silverware? Does she know you have them?"

Iris bit her bottom lip, and Dahlia looked away.

"She doesn't, does she. I'm gonna tell her."

Before any of them could stop him, Lotho had reached out and grabbed all the spoons laid on the stump.

"Lotho, no! You can't. Those are Mama's!" Dahlia cried.

She lunged after her cousin trying to take back the valuable items. Lotho simply raised them up out of her reach.

"I know they are. And you aren't supposed to have them. You're going to be in so much trouble when I tell her." He turned to walk away.

"No. Lotho!" Iris sprang up and tackled the older boy, knocking both of them to the ground. Iris didn't allow it to phase her. She clambered over Lotho and tried to pull the spoons from Lotho's grasp. "Give them back."

"No. Get off me, you pipsqueak." Lotho pushed against Iris, but couldn't get her off of him. Finally, he simply pulled one of his legs out of her grip and kicked her off of him.

Iris fell to the side with a cry clutching her left eye.

"Iris!"

"Lotho!"

Dahlia ran to her twin while Frodo raced to grab Lotho. His eyes flashed dangerously as he grabbed the older boy's collar and hauled him to his feet. Dahlia knelt by Iris who had tears streaming down her face.

"Are you okay, Iris? Let me see." Dahlia grabbed the hand that was covering Iris's eye, but Iris didn't move it. "I need to see, Iris. Let me see."

After a few seconds, Iris removed her hand. The skin surrounding her eye was red and already starting to puff up. Tears streamed liberally from the organ as it attempted to heal itself from the trauma it had just received.

Frodo's grip on Lotho tightened when he saw the damage done to his sister. "Give me the spoons, Lotho. If you don't, I'll tell Aunt Lobelia what happened, and I'll tell her whose fault it was that her prized peonies were trampled last week."

Lotho simply sneered, "Not a chance. It's her own fault. She shouldn't have tackled me like that. I don't understand why you defend them. It's disgusting. Mother says they're nothing but spoiled half-breeds like their other sister, and that they'll ruin the community. You should –" the rest of his sentence was cut off by Frodo's fist connecting with his mouth.

Lotho's grip on the spoons loosened ,and they fell to the ground. He himself stumbled backwards a few steps, his hand flying up to cup his cheek.

"You hit me!" He exclaimed. He brought his hand away from his cheek. Several fingers had blood on them, and there was a split along his bottom lip.

"Apologize." The word may as well have been a growl coming out of Frodo's mouth. His blue eyes were dark with anger and his jaw was clenched. He stepped closer to Lotho. "Now, Lotho. Apologize for what you just said. It's not true."

"No, I shan't. And now I'm going to tell Mother that you hit me as well."

"I'm going to do more than that." Frodo promised taking another step forward. He was about to hit Lotho once more when, suddenly, the older boy was struck in the forehead with a shiny projectile.

"Ow!"

Both boys looked down to see one of Bilba's spoons lying at Lotho's feet. Then they turned to see Iris standing in front of Dahlia, who now had tears dripping from her chin. Her left eye was swollen half-way shut, but determination and spite still shone brightly from both of them.

"No one says that about my sisters." Iris said, reading another spoon and letting it fly. This time it hit Lotho in the shoulder. "Go away, Lotho."

"Not a chance, Freak."

That name was the final straw. Both Iris and Frodo launched themselves at Lotho.


	2. Chapter 2

**I forgot to mention the kids' ages in the first chapter. Sorry about that!**

 **Frodo: 18 in Hobbit years which translates to 11 in human years.**

 **The Twins: 13 in Hobbit years; 8 in human years.**

 **Lotho: 21 in Hobbit Years: 13 in human years**

 **Disclaimer: Don't own… and also not completely scanned over for grammar mistakes. Please excuse any that you find. :D**

~~~~ Line Break ~~~~

Bilba had just finished setting out the food for tea, when the front doorbell rang.

"Just one moment!" She called out, hurrying to wipe her hands on a dishrag. She walked quickly to the front door, expecting a surprise visitor or perhaps a package. She had order some things from Bree that were to arrive any day.

"Hamfast!" Her eyes widened when she saw who it was standing on her front step.

Her kindly gardener stood before her. Positioned in a line before _him_ were Frodo, Iris, and Dahlia. All three of them were absolutely covered in mud and sticks. It was caked all over their arms and faces, painting them all but black with gunk. Grass stains and dirt littered their clothes as well. Iris was sporting a rather impressive black eye, and Frodo had several scratches on his face and arms. Dahlia seemed the least… wounded, though tears were falling steadily from her eyes.

"Afternoon, Ms. Bilba. I'm sorry to disturb you."

"No. No, it's no problem, Hamfast. Please come in."

"Go on in, children." Hamfast waved the three ahead of him, and they all trooped into the front entry.

"What happened?" Bilba questioned. Frodo and Iris ducked their heads. Dahlia's tears increased, though none of them made a sound.

"Well, I don't know all the particulars." Hamfast began. "I found them and Lotho down in the corner of the Clearing that borders on Farmer Cotton's corn fields. They were in the middle of the mightiest row I think I've ever seen. I managed to break it up - I sent Lotho home to his mother. Thought I'd see these three home to ensure they actually made it here."

Frodo, Iris, and Dahlia ducked their heads. There had been a few times that they had been told to go home and instead they had run off to find new trouble. It never ended well for them though.

Bilba sighed and turned to her children. "What happened?" She asked crossing her arms over her chest and raising an eyebrow.

Frodo and Iris exchanged looks.

"Well. I'm waiting. It had to have been something especially _important_ for you to have attacked Lotho the way you did."

At that Iris's head shot up, "We didn't! He attacked us first! We were just protecting ourselves."

"Is that so?" Bilba sighed, knowing it would take a while to get the whole story in its proper order. She turned to Hamfast, "Thank you, Hamfast. I'll take care of this. If you see Lobelia, will you please tell her I will come to talk with her as soon as I have finished here?"

"Yes, Ma'am." Hamfast nodded and exited the smial.

Bilba turned back to her children, "Now. Start at the beginning and tell me what happened."

"Dahlia and I were playing house." Iris began to explain. "We were having the Steward over for tea - well we started at playing Lady Marwen and Lady Haleth, I was Haleth and Dahlia was Marwen, - and then we switched to Steward because Frodo showed up. And he wasn't very happy that we had your spoons, but we had to have them because we needed a _proper_ house - not like the Sackville-Bagginses -"

"Yeah," Dahlia pipped up wiping her nose with the back of her hand. "You told Ada that they don't have special spoons which means they don't have a proper house and we didn't want to be like them…"

"Yeah." Iris took up the narrative again. "So we borrowed them, but we were being 'specially careful. And then Frodo came, but before we could start having tea - I was just getting Frodo his cup and saucer so Dahlia could serve him - Lotho showed up."

"And he messed everything up!" Dahlia exclaimed. "He just barged in and started messing with everything. And - and we all tried to get him to leave, but he wouldn't. And then he saw your spoons and he grabbed them -"

"He said he was going to tell on us!" Iris crossed her arms. "Even though we were being careful and knew you wouldn't mind."

"So then Iris tried to take them back." Dahlia said turning to her sister, eyes wide. "She tackled him and tried to grab the spoons back. But Lotho kicked her off of him."

Bilba's eyes widened at that finally statement. The Twins had been talking as fast as their tongues allowed them, which made it rather difficult to understand all that they said. But that last sentence had been as clear as day.

"He kicked you?" She said kneeling down to get a closer look at her daughter's injury, "Is that where this came from?"

Iris nodded, "Mhm. So it was all Lotho's fault. We _tried_ to tell him to leave, but he wouldn't listen. If he had just listened none of this would have happened."

Bilba finished her examination of Iris's eye. Nothing appeared permanently wounded, though the rather impressive bruising would be around for a few weeks. Standing back up she turned to look at her eldest, "Is that what happened, Frodo?"

Frodo nodded, "Yes, Mama."

"Well that still doesn't explain how you ended up encased in mud and why Dahlia was crying when you first came in. Or the scratches all over your arms." She gestured to Frodo, who indeed had several deep scratches littering his forearms. "What _else_ happened?"

"Well…" Frodo began.

"Don't lie to me, Frodo Gorbadoc Baggins. The truth - the whole truth - and nothing other than that."

"Lotho said nasty things." Dahlia spoke up. "He - he called us half... half-breeds." Tears filled her eyes once more. "He said we'd spoil the community."

"He what." Bilba growled.

"Yes, Mama." Frodo said. "He said that Cousin Lobelia said it." He shuffled one foot biting his bottom lip. "So I punched him. Cause no one can say that about my sisters. They're not what he said they are! The Sackville-Bagginses spoil the community. They're idiots."

"We don't say things like that about family, Frodo." Bilba admonished. _No matter how true it is._ She added in her head. "What happened after you hit him?"

"I threw the spoons at him." Iris said proudly. "And he didn't like that. So he tried to come after me and Frodo tackled him and they fell down into the stream."

"And then Iris and I had to join in because he was beating Frodo up! I gave him a bloody lip!" Dahlia beamed up at her, proud of her contribution to the fight.

Bilba inwardly sighed. While it was a good thing that her children were more than willing to defend each other, she couldn't condone injuring other children.

She frowned at them, "That is not something to be proud about, Dahlia. We've talked about fighting before."

"Yes, Mama." Dahlia said, shoulders slumping.

"You all know what I've said about fighting the last time you had a run-in with Lotho. What was it I said to do?"

"Ignore him and go and get an adult to help." All three of them intoned in unison.

"Correct. And did you do so?"

They shook their heads.

Bilba eased the tension in her shoulders. She dreaded the next part of situations like this. "Here's what's going to happen. First, we are all going to go over to Lobelia's house, and you are all going to apologize for what you did to Lotho."

"WHAT!" Iris exclaimed.

"Mama, no!" Now it was Frodo voicing his displeasure. "He should apologize to us! He started it!"

"That doesn't matter. You all know that what you did was wrong. You should have ignored what Lotho was saying. It was wrong, but you made it worse by attacking him. If you had ignored it than Lotho would be the only one in trouble at this point."

"Yes, Ma'am." Frodo and Iris whispered.

"Very good. After that, we are coming home, you are taking baths, and then going to bed. And when your father comes home from Bree tomorrow you will be explaining what happened to him. He will come up with a suitable punishment then. Now, where are my spoons?"

She was expecting a few of the everyday set - things that Dahlia and Iris were constantly "borrowing" for their adventures and make-believe games. They were always careful - or as careful as 13 year olds could be, accidents did happen. But they were always very sorry and Bilba didn't mind. She remembered doing the same thing when she was their age.

However, what was pulled from pinafore pockets and breeches pockets weren't spoons from her everyday set. They were coated with mud, and one had been bent almost in half, but she still recognized them. They had held a place of prominence at every tea table when she had been growing up and had even been used for her coming-of-age gathering that she had had with a few especially close friends. She reached out with shaking hands to gather the six pieces from her children. She wiped at the end of one of them, to reveal a decorative seal, confirming what she already knew to be true.

"My _silverware_? How?" Her heart clenched as she ran her fingers across the all-but-bent-in-half one. While family heirlooms were numerous, the silverware from her great-grandmother was especially precious because her own mother had loved them so much. "You took my _silverware_?"

Dahlia and Iris ducked their heads further, tears spilling down both of their cheeks. Bilba did not keep many things in high regard. Most of the objects in the house where there only because they had to keep their "standing" in the family. Bilba preferred memories. The spoons, her mother's glory box, and her father's books were the few exceptions to that rule. And the spoons were all but ruined.

"We're sorry, Mama!" Dahlia cried. "We didn't mean for them to get broken. We were gonna return them right after we finished, honest."

"Yeah. Please forgive us, Mama."

Bilba didn't speak for a few moments. She couldn't. All she could do was stare at the ruined utensils in her hands. It was irrational she told herself, getting so worked up over spoons. There wasn't any worth to them, not in the Shire, but for the memories they invoked.

Finally, she turned and placed them on the front entry table. "Let's go." She said, pulling her hat from its place on the wall hooks.

Frodo and the Twins followed after her. None of them spoke the entire walk to the Sackville-Bagginses' house.


	3. Chapter 3

**Hello Everyone! Gosh, sorry it's taken me forever to get this chapter out! I hope you like this chapter. We get to read Bilba tell Lobelia off which I had a ton of fun writing. I'm thinking that there's going to be one or two more chapters left in this fic. Gandalf still has to come home, and the damaged spoons still have to be dealt with.**

 **Kudos to my brother for looking this over for me! He helped get me through a mental block so I could end this. :D Love you, Bro!**

 **Disclaimer: Still don't own it.**

~~~~ Line Break ~~~~

The children were silent as their mother led them along the path towards the Sackville-Baggins' smial. Dahlia still had tears coursing down her face. All three of the children felt lower than the dirt upon which they were walking. However, the guilt weighed especially heavy on the youngest since it had been her idea to take the spoons in the first place.

 _Why didn't I listen to Iris? She said something was going to happen. If I had just listened this wouldn't have happened._

She sniffed, trying to be as quiet as possible, but her sister still heard her. Iris gave her a sad smile, but reached out and took her hand. There was no blame in her gaze, only sorrow that their actions had caused their mother such pain.

That was the worst part of the whole thing. Sure, they were all sorry that they had destroyed something that didn't belong to them and had been in the family for so long. But had it been anything else their guilt would not have been _as_ great.

The fact that their mother had not yelled at them increased that weight even further. If she had shown anger, had shouted at them for taking her things, for breaking one of the only material objects that she held dear, it would have been better. They all felt like they deserved that treatment. But she hadn't. Instead, she had washed the broken expression from off her face and was now taking them to apologize to Lotho.

Frodo spared a glance back at Bilba. He could see the small "tells" that something wasn't right. Her eyes were blocked off, the sparkle that their father always said he loved dimmed so much it was all but gone. Her shoulders were stiff and her back as straight as she kept it whenever company that she didn't really like came to call. However, he knew that those they passed by on the road wouldn't have been able to tell something was wrong had he, Iris, and Dahlia not been with her.

Soon, they could see the top of their destination peaking up over the tops of the smials in the distance. The Sackville-Bagginses weren't nearly as well off as the Bagginses were, but they were still well-to-do and therefore had one of the nicer smials situated near The Hill.

"Children."

The sound of their mother's voice stopped all three in their steps. They turned to look at her.

"Yes, Ma'am?" Frodo asked. Iris moved closer to him, worrying her bottom lip.

"I shouldn't have to remind you, but after today's incident, I am going to assume that you need a refresher."

The comment caused all three of them to flinch, but they didn't say anything.

Bilba nodded, "I expect best behaviors. You wronged Lotho by your actions. I don't care that he started it." She said before they could protest once more. "You all know that what you did was wrong. I expect," She leveled a frown at Frodo in particular, "your apologies to be honest and true. You will also apologize to Mrs. Sackville-Baggins for the trouble you have caused her as well." This time she frowned at all of them, daring them to say anything against her command.

"Yes, Ma'am." All three chorused.

"Good."

They continued on. All too quickly (in the children's opinion), they were standing at the front door of the smial, and Bilba was knocking.

It took several moments, but eventually the door opened. As soon as Lobelia saw who was standing on her front step, anger descended onto her face.

"You have a lot of nerve coming here, Bilba Baggins."

"How is Lotho?" Bilba asked. Her tone made it sound as if she were concerned for Lotho, but everyone knew it was really a dismissal of Lobelia's outrage.

"Your _children_ blackened both of his eyes, bloodied his nose, cut his lip, and bruised his ribs. He'll be in pain for weeks."

Bilba turned to stare at her children who all ducked their heads. However, she could see a hint of pride in all of their faces. Ignoring both it and the pride that flooded her own heart despite her best attempts, she waved them forward.

"I have talked to them about it. Rest assured they will be properly punished. They wish to apologize to Lotho for their actions."

Lobelia narrowed her eyes, running her gaze over the three children. They all tried their best to look contrite. It must have worked, for after a minute, Lobelia sniffed.

"I hope you all learn your lesson. I will not tolerate my son being attacked."

Before anyone could answer her, she turned and entered the house. A few seconds later, she was back with Lotho trailing behind her. Bilba's eyes widened when she saw her nephew. If she thought her own children had looked bad when they came home, she could only imagine what had gone through Lobelia's head. She could understand Lobelia's cold demeanor when they had arrived, though it did not change her opinion on the justification for what had happened.

The boy was plastered with mud, leaves, grass, and flowers. His clothes were stiff with it, and it was causing his hair to stand up every which way. His face was clean of the filth, but it did little to improve his appearance. Dark purple bruising, so deep it was almost black, surrounded both eyes, and the left one was swollen shut. The right side of his upper lip was swollen as well. Thankfully, his nose had stopped bleeding, but blood still dotted his lower face and splattered the top of his shirt.

He glared as best he could when he caught sight of Frodo, Iris, and Dahlia. "What do they want here?" he asked, doing his best to move his lips as little as possible.

Frodo glanced at Bilba who met his look with a raised eyebrow and pursed lips. Frodo's shoulders slumped, and he frowned. He stepped forward however and stared at Lotho.

"Dahlia, Iris, and I are sorry we fought with you. It was not the appropriate way to handle the situation." His gaze bore into Lotho's. "It won't happen again."

 _Because you'll be the only one in trouble next time._

Lotho seemed to understand the underlying meaning for his eye narrowed. "Whatever, Baggins."

Frodo clenched his jaw, but managed to bite off the words that threatened to come out.

"Iris, Dahlia?" Bilba prompted.

"Sorry." Iris said.

"Sorry, Lotho." Dahlia mirrored.

Bilba caught Frodo's gaze and nodded at Lobelia. Frodo's shoulders slumped forward, and he shook his head slightly. Bilba's eyes turned to steel.

Frodo huffed, but turned back to Lobelia, "We're sorry for the trouble this caused you as well, Mrs. Sackville-Baggins."

Lobelia sniffed, "Well, I should hope so. If you were my children, you wouldn't be able to sit down for a week. Come along, Lotho."

"Just one moment, Lobelia." Bilba's tone was sharp.

Lobelia turned back around, exuding annoyance and anger. "What, Bilba Baggins? Your family has caused me enough trouble today. What else could you possibly have to say?"

"Just that Lotho owes my children an apology as well."

Lobelia's annoyance turned to outrage. "Why, you?! How do you aim to… Lotho has done nothing... "

If they hadn't been so affronted, Frodo and the Twins felt almost tempted to laugh as Lobelia stumbled over her words.

"Yes, I aim to." Bilba answered, her voice iron. "What my children did was wrong. No one is denying that. But they would not have acted as they did had Lotho not instigated them."

"Instigated?! My Lotho would never -"

"He called us a half-breeds!" Dahlia cried.

"Dahlia, hush." Bilba admonished.

Dahlia shrunk back against Iris who put her arm around her shoulder. She knew that their mother wasn't truly angry with Dahlia for speaking up. She was simply in her "Lobelia is being... something Mama said not to say" mood.

"Lotho insulted my children in one of the greatest ways possible." Bilba explained to Lobelia. "He can either apologize for the remarks, or I _will_ make it clear to the community just what the Baggins family thinks of yours. Married to an outsider I may be, but I am still the head of the Baggins house. I _will_ use that position to protect my children from attacks by your child if the need arises. Attacks he learned from you, I might add. How many social invitations do you think you will receive if such news gets out?"

Lobelia blanched. Her mouth, which had fallen open at the beginning of Bilba's diatribe snapped shut with a click. "Lotho," she bit out without turning to face her child. "apologize."

"What?! Mama!"

"Don't _Mama_ me. Apologize."

Lotho turned so quickly Frodo was surprised he did not fall down. His face was as contorted with rage as his wounds allowed. Fire and wrath blazed in his eyes.

"Sorry." He spit and then stormed into the house before anyone could say anything.

"There. I hope you're satisfied." Lobelia stated before turning and entering the house. She slammed the door closed behind her.


	4. Chapter 4

**So… apparently, I stink at guestimating how many chapters a fic will be. And just a personnel service announcement: Once started, Gandalf Will. Not. Shut. Up. until** ** _he_** **is ready to. So, this chapter is a little shorter than normal because this is where I could cut it before it ran into some massive ginormous monster of a chapter that the Plot Bunnies tried desperately to help me create. Thanks Jess, for your help! One more chapter after this and then an epilogue… unless the Plot Bunnies get involved yet again.**

 **A/n 2: I use an elvish phrase (marked by a *) that I cobbled together from an Elvish dictionary I found online. I don't know how accurate it is, and I KNOW my grammar is atrocious. It's supposed to mean slimeball. I'm using one of my creative license cards to justify the phrase's creation. :D**

 **Disclaimer: Last I checked, I am a girl not a man and am not married to a woman named Edith. So, I don't own it.**

 **~~~~ Line Break ~~~~**

A few hours later, Frodo was startled when the door to his room began opening. After they had gotten home and taken their baths, Bilba had sent them all to their rooms with the command not to come out until either she or their father came to get them. Gandalf wasn't due back until the next day, and Frodo was sure they were going to be in their rooms _at least_ that long if not longer. Needless to say, his door opening was the last thing he was expecting, especially with his reticence when it had come to apologizing to Lobelia.

The door hadn't opened very far before his sister Mirninhen slipped in. She clicked the door closed behind her, then turned to face Frodo.

"What are you doing in here, Mir?" he hissed. He shot a worried look to the door, afraid that their parents would show up at any moment. "You're not supposed to be in here. We're going to get in so much trouble."

"No we're not." Mir grinned. " _Naneth_ is busy talking to _Adar_ in the living room. They'll be talking for a while yet. And we're so far away from the living room they won't hear us."

Frodo's anxiety increased tenfold at his sister's news, "What! Papa's back? He wasn't supposed to be home until tomorrow!"

Mir shrugged, "He finished his business early. He and _Naneth_ have been talking for a while. You guys broke a _lot_ of rules today."

Frodo sunk down onto his bed with a groan, "Don't remind me. Is he mad?"

"He was _totally_ angry with Lotho. You should have heard some of the things he said about the Sackville-Bagginses! I don't think he realized I was listening. He looked ready to spit fire."

Frodo rolled his eyes, "I meant was he mad with us? I already knew he'd be mad at the Sackville-Bagginses."

"Oh." Mirninhen threw herself onto the bed next to Frodo, then rolled onto her back. "Well, he wasn't happy, but I couldn't tell if he was mad-mad, disappointed-mad, or just _Naneth's_ -mad-so-he-has-to-be-mad-to-mad. He and _Naneth_ are still trying to figure out what punishment to give you guys. _Naneth_ was especially frustrated by your 'reticence' to apologize to the hag." She rolled onto her side to face him. "Why'd you do it? She didn't deserve an apology."

"I didn't want to, but Mama said I had to. She gave me the Look when I didn't."

"I wouldn't have cared. I mean, I wouldn't have wanted to disappoint _Naneth_ , but Lobelia deserves any trouble she gets. She brings it on herself. So does Lotho."

"I agree."

The two fell silent for a few minutes. Frodo picked at a loose thread in his shirt, trying to keep his thoughts from what punishments his parents were coming up with. He knew he deserved whatever they decided, well kinda, he still didn't think he should get in trouble for not apologizing to Lobelia at first, but the suspense was making it worse.

"Have you seen Iris and Dahlia?" He asked to break the silence.

Mir nodded, "Before I came to see you. They're not happy, but Dahlia's stopped crying at least. They're just sitting on their bed waiting."

Silence once again reigned in the room.

"I'm happy you punched Lotho." Now it was Mirninhen's turn to disrupt the quiet.

"You are?"

Mir pushed herself up, faced her brother, and crossed her legs, "Uh-huh. That _coron ast loen*_ deserved it. What did you guys do exactly? _Naneth_ didn't say anything other than he was hurt bad."

Frodo grinned as he remembered what his cousin looked like, "Dahlia gave him a fat lip - it was swollen nearly twice its size. I blackened both his eyes. Iris bloodied his nose. It was so bad I thought she had broken it. You should have heard him squeal."

"I wish I had! Why do you guys always get into the most fun when I'm not around."

"I'm glad you weren't around for this one, Mir."

"Why?!"

"Cause then none of the rest of us would have been able to get a shot at him. You would have sent off one of your fireballs, and he would have turned tail and run."

"True." Mirninhen acquiesced. "But then you guys wouldn't be in trouble."

"It was worth it to be able to punch Lotho."

Mir laughed, but Frodo quickly stifled it by throwing his hand over her mouth.

She pushed it away, "Relax." She said around giggles. "I told you. They can't hear us. You _have_ to promise that next time you'll let me have a go at him."

"I doubt there will be a next time. At least not for us. Mama made us promise that we would never fight with him again when we got back home from apologizing."

"Well, if he starts it first, you have to defend yourself, right?

Frodo shook his head, "Mama's not gonna accept that excuse."

Mir shrugged like it was no big deal. "As you said, it will be worth it. Lotho's the worst."

"Yeah. I hate how he treats you guys. It's not right."

"Mama said he's just naive. He doesn't like what he can't understand."

"Maybe that's why he's always frowning. With a brain the size of his that has to be most things in life."

Now it was both kids' turns to laugh, rolling over to muffle the sound in the comforter.

It was right in the middle of their giggle fest that the door to Frodo's room opened. They both sat up, eyes wide, to see Gandalf standing in the doorway. He frowned when he saw his daughter sitting next to Frodo.

"Mirninhen Bella Baggins, did or did your mother not tell you to stay out of your siblings' rooms?"

Mir ducked her head, "She did. But-"

"No buts. Your mother's word is law in this house. Go to the kitchen and explain to your mother what you've done. You have dishes for the next two days. Do not leave until everything is put in its place, the counters are organized and washed, and the floor swept. Get."

"Yes, Sir."

Mir threw one look over her shoulder at her brother before she left. Frodo flashed a small grin at her. However, it fell away as soon as she disappeared. He gulped as Gandalf entered the room and shut the door behind him.


	5. Chapter 5

Gandalf sat on the bed next to Frodo. "How are you?"

"Okay." Frodo looked up into his father's eyes, but quickly lowered his gaze.

"Your mother has just explained to me what happened today. Would you care to tell me your side of the story?"

Frodo felt himself shrinking even further. He could _hear_ the disappointment in his father's voice. He felt bad enough that he had hurt his mother, but he _hated_ causing his father to have reason to be upset with him. He wanted to disappear.

"Me, Iris, and Dahlia got into a fight with Lotho this afternoon. They were playing tea party in the Party Tree clearing, and I joined in. Lotho interrupted us right in the middle of it. We asked him to leave us alone, but he wouldn't listen. That's when he noticed that we had Mama's silverware. He grabbed it saying he was going to tell Mama. Iris tackled him, and he gave her a black eye trying to get her to let him go. That's when I punched him and told him to say he was sorry. He wouldn't. Instead, he called Dahlia, Iris, and Mir half-breeds and said they were bad for the Shire."

"I see. While I am proud of you for defending your sisters, you know that that was not the correct way to go about it. Your mother has talked to you before now about fighting with Lotho, has she not?"

"Yes, Sir." Frodo admitted.

"Why did you not go and tell your mother what had happened and what Lotho said?"

"I didn't think about it." Frodo admitted after a few seconds of thought. "I was angry and wanted him to take back what he had said. And when he didn't, I just lost it."

"So you let your anger get control of you?"

This time Frodo couldn't answer. He simply nodded.

"It appears that you are having a problem controlling your anger. What have your mother and I told you about anger?"

"If you don't control your anger, your anger will control you." Frodo quoted. "I'm sorry, Papa. It won't happen again."

"You are correct, it will not. If it does, there will be even dire consequences. Understand?"

"Yes, Sir."

"Good. Now, here is your punishment for fighting with Lotho. Tomorrow and the next day, you will spend here in your room. Your meals will be brought to you here - no second breakfast or tea. After that, you will spend one week here at home, completing whatever work either your mother, Hamfast, or Hamson have for you. You will not be allowed out of our grounds, and any time not spent on your studies will be spent either working or here in your room. No visitors until the end of the week's time. I hope, by the end of it, you and your anger will be in better standing with one another."

"Yes, Papa."

"Very good. However, that is not the only wrong you have committed today, is it?"

Frodo shook his head slowly.

"What else?" Gandalf asked gently.

Frodo winced, "Iris, Dahlia, and I broke Mama's silverware during the fight with Lotho. We didn't mean for it to happen. We just forgot they were there."

"Your mother and I understand it was an accident. However, what we fail to comprehend is why, when you knew your sisters had taken the spoons, did you not return them to your mother at once. You knew Iris and Dahlia did not belong playing with those spoons. As the eldest, you are responsible for setting a good example for Mirninhen and the Twins, not following after their poor examples."

"I wasn't thinking about it like that. They were just playing tea party. I didn't think it would cause any harm."

"Well, because you did not think about it, now one of your mother's prize possessions is broken."

Frodo winced yet again.

Gandalf sighed, "Your mother and I agree that you are old enough to understand the ramifications of your actions in this instance. We also agree that you should have a say in what course of actions should be taken now."

He raised Frodo's head so they were looking each other in the eyes, "What do you think should happen?"

Frodo bit his lip, "Can the spoons be fixed?"

Gandalf shook his head, "Not by anyone here in the Shire."

"What about by someone in Bree - or Imladris?"

"It is possible." Gandalf admitted. "But such work is not free."

Frodo sat silently for a few minutes.

"Frodo?" Gandalf prompted. "What do you think should be done?"

"I - I should pay to get them fixed." Frodo moved off the bed and knelt beside it. Reaching underneath it, he pulled out a small wooden chest. Standing up, he held it out to Gandalf. "It's not much - I've saved some of the money I've received as gifts. I can work to repay the rest."

Gandalf nodded, "That is very responsible of you, Frodo. However, your mother and I will not take your gift money. But I do agree that you should help pay to fix the damage you helped cause. Your sisters will also be contributing. So, here's what we'll do. The next time I travel to Imladris, I will drop the spoons off with the silversmith there. After I have a price for the work, your mother and I will come up with a list of jobs that you three can do around the house to repay us for the price of the work. Hamfast, Farmer Cotton, and Mr. Ansgot may also have some work that you can do to earn some extra coin. Does that sound fair?"

Frodo smiled, "Yes, Papa. Thank you."

"You are welcome. Come here." Gandalf pulled his son into his lap and hugged him tightly. "I am very happy that you defended your sisters today, Frodo. What Lotho said was not kind. However, I _never_ want to have to punish you for fighting with him again."

"I don't want you to have to either, Papa."

Gandalf chuckled. After a few more minutes of snuggling, Gandalf stood Frodo on the floor in front of him.

"We have one last thing to discuss, Frodo. And I'm afraid this is, to me, the gravest of your offenses."

Frodo knew what he was referring to. The butterflies, which had disappeared during his father's hug, returned en mass. Even though he still didn't believe Lobelia deserved his apology, he had not wanted to disobey his mother.

"Your mother told you before you arrived at Lobelia's smial that she expected your best behavior, correct?"

"Yes, Sir."

"Did you obey that order?"

"No, Sir."

"No, you did not. And what is worse, you disrespected your mother, both by your attitude and by refusing to obey her. You are 18 years old, more than old enough to listen the first time your mother gives you a command. And to keep any ill thoughts or feelings to yourself."

Frodo knew what was coming. Out of all the things that he and his siblings could do, the one their father became most displeased with was disrespect of their mother. It ranked with lying and stealing in the "Things that Bagginses are _not_ to do under _any_ circumstances" list. The items on that list garnered the harshest of punishments.

"I understand that you did not feel that Lobelia deserved your apology. However, she is your elder, and you wounded her son and caused her grief and worry. Most importantly, though, your mother told you that you must."

Gandalf took a deep breath, "You know what the punishment for disrespect is, Frodo."

"Yes, Sir." Frodo's voice was so quiet it could barely be heard in the room.

"Come here." Gandalf's voice was grave, but not harsh. "10 swats, Frodo. 5 for disrespecting your mother, and five for disrespecting Lobelia." He patted his lap. "Bend over."

Frodo backed up two steps and shook his head, "I don't want to."

"I know that you don't _want_ to. That's the point of this punishment. Hopefully, this will be the last time we have to do this." Gandalf raised an eyebrow, "Bend over. Continued disobedience will result in more spankings."

Frodo shook his head again, taking yet another step back. Tears began to fall down his face.

"Frodo." Gandalf's voice dropped another octave. "Now. I will not tell you again."

Frodo clenched his jaw, but after a minute walked forward and lay himself across his father's knees. He buried his head in his blanket as Gandalf placed his hand on Frodo's back.

The swats came in quick succession. Gandalf did not hit hard - only firmly enough that Frodo would be having some discomfort sitting down for the rest of the evening. The point of the punishment was not pain.

By the 5th swat, Frodo was opening crying into his bedcover. Gandalf finished up the rest of the punishment, then flipped Frodo over and held him tight. They stayed that way until Frodo's tears had slowed to an occasional drop.

"Frodo?"

Frodo sniffed. He didn't answer, but he tilted his head so he was looking at Gandalf.

"Why did I spank you, Frodo?"

"Be-because I disrespected Mama and Mrs. Sackville-Baggins."

"How did you disrespect them?"

"I didn't obey Mama, and I gave her attitude. And I didn't apologize to Mrs. Sackville-Baggins when I was supposed to."

"That's right. Is there something else you'd like to say?"

Frodo nodded, "I'm sorry Papa. Please forgive me. I won't disrespect Mama anymore, and I'll be respectful to Mrs. Sackville-Baggins when I'm supposed to."

"You are forgiven, Frodo. I hope you remember this lesson, for we will have to repeat it if I hear of you disrespecting any authority in your life. Understood?"

Frodo nodded.

"That's my boy." Gandalf kissed Frodo's forehead. "Now, there's someone else who deserves an apology isn't there? Your mother is in the kitchen. Why don't you go say you're sorry and see what you can do to help while I talk to your sisters?"

Frodo nodded once again. Before he could slip off his father's lap, though, Gandalf pulled him close once more.

"I love you, Frodo. More than words can say."

"I love you too, Papa."


	6. Chapter 6

**A/n: Warning: Slightly OOC… Slightly crackish, but I don't care. :D I now have like teenaged Gandalf and Radagast causing terror in Valinor. Me and the Plot Bunnies are satisfied.**

~~~~ Line Break ~~~~~

The rest of that evening was quiet. With three of the children confined to their rooms, supper was uneventful. Mirninhen disappeared to her room soon after the meal was completed, a fact which - in hindsight - should have alerted Bilba and Gandalf that _something_ was going on. At the time, though, they simply attributed it to the stress of the day and bid her goodnight.

They stayed up talking for an hour or two after that, simply enjoying each other's company. Gandalf had been gone on a trip to Bree for a few days, meeting with some of the Rangers who helped guard the borders. Bilba enjoyed the opportunity to catch up with her husband, but also to hear news of the outside world. Now that they had children, she could not travel as had been her want when she and Gandalf first were married. Soon though, sleep called to them as well, and they extinguished the candles and banked the fire.

The house fell into the quiet that can come only late at night when all occupants are fast asleep in their beds. However, it was not to last.

An hour after Bilba and Gandalf went to bed, the door to Mirninhen's room eased open. The young girl slipped silently into the hall and padded to the backdoor. She waited for a moment before opening it, ensuring that the rest of the household had not heard her. Then she slipped into the night.

A thrill filled her as she stepped out into the glow of the full moon. While she had been out at night various times in her life, most recently on star-gazing expeditions with her siblings and father, this was the first time she had dared leave so late at night by herself and without her parents' permission.

Her lips tightened as she remembered _why_ she was doing this. While doing the dishes, she had heard her mother and father continue to talk about what had happened that day between Lotho and Frodo and Iris and Dahlia. Her mother had moved on from discussing the whithertos and the whyfores of the altercation between the children to complaining about Lobelia's behavior when they had arrived at her smial.

"' _You have a lot of nerve coming here.'_ That's the first thing she said to me!" Bilba had exclaimed throwing her hands up into the air. "As if _her_ son had done nothing wrong. Everyone in Hobbiton, nevermind Westfarthing, knows what a brat that child is. And _then_ , to add insult to injury, she dared to make the insinuation that our children were entirely in the wrong. ' _I will not tolerate my son being attacked._ ' Ooooo, I wanted to tear her eyes out! Her son just attacked - hurt - my daughters. He called them half-breeds, Olorin! Half-breeds, and a blight on the Shire! _Lotho_ is a blight on the Shire."

"We all know this to be true, Bilba. And so does everyone else. You put her into her place - quite well if you ask me."

Bilba sniffed divisively, "Yes, by targeting the one thing Lobelia can't stand to live without. I honestly think she'd do anything if it meant she would stay in good social standing. It was the only way she would make Lotho apologize to the children. But I hated doing it. She should have made Lotho apologize to them because he did something horrible, not because I threatened to effectively ostracize her."

Mir frowned as she remembered the sniffling she had heard after that.

"Our children get so many looks, Gandalf. No one - except for Lobelia - will say anything to my face, but I hear the whispers. The children aren't bad, but their parents? It's not fair that the girls and Frodo are judged because of who we are." Everything else after that had been muffled. Mir was sure her father had pulled her mother close and held her.

Her anger fizzed, and she had to work hard to avoid it exploding out in a fireball. How _dare_ that witch make her mother cry. It was bad enough that she and her sleeze-ball of a son had hurt her siblings. But to hurt her _Naneth,_ to make her cry? That was the last straw.

It was easy making her way from Bag End to the Sackville-Bagginses house. When she got there, she immediately got to work. She had had all evening to think of the suitable retribution for the humiliation her family had suffered that day. She had finally come up with the perfect thing, but it was going to take a lot of work.

Stifling a giggle at the thought of what Lobelia's face would look like the next morning, she set to work.

The following morning went quietly for how raucous it had been the day before. Frodo and the Twins were still in the "we messed up _bad_ " stage of being in trouble so Bilba didn't expect any problems from them that day. She was worried about her eldest daughter though. For having gone to bed early, Mirninhen's eyes were red-rimmed and puffy, and all throughout breakfast she struggled even to keep them open.

After they had finished eating, Mir went into the kitchen to finish the dishes while Bilba and Gandalf sat together in the living room as Bilba went over the schedule for the day.

"Does Mir seem off to you this morning?" She asked, placing another letter in her ever-growing-never-diminishing pile of "To be answered" notices.

"She seems tired, but that is all. She probably snuck back into Frodo's room last night and talked with him some more."

"Hmmm. I suppose, but I can't help but think that there's something else."

Gandalf was about to answer, but was interrupted by a loud banging on the door. The couple exchanged a confused look.

"Who on earth…"

"I've got it, _Naneth!_ " Mir's voice came from the hallway followed quickly by the patter of feet heading towards the front door. A second after, the front door clicked open.

"Oh, hello, Mrs. Sackville-Baggins."

Both Bilba and Gandalf tensed when they heard their daughter greet their visitor.

"Don't hello me, you _mongrel_. Where are your parents? I need to speak to them immediately. Go get them."

Neither Gandalf or Bilba needed to wait for Mir to come back to get them. As soon as they heard Lobelia's tones, and the slur she had thrown at their daughter, they rushed into the front entry. Mir stood with an innocent expression on her face while Lobelia loomed over her. Her face was red with barely contained anger, her entire frame shaking.

"Lobelia." Bilba greeted her cousin. She reached Mirninhen's side and pushed her behind her towards Gandalf. "What's wrong?"

"What's _wrong?"_ Lobelia hissed stepping closer into Bilba's personal space. "I'll tell you what's wrong. Your _children_ are what's wrong. Last night, they snuck into my yard and committed an act of vandalism. They have all but _decimated_ my garden. Most of my plants are either completely dug up or cut down so much they might as well be. That includes my hydrangeas and roses! There are weeds _everywhere_. It looks like a storm came through and ruined half my garden."

Bilba raised an eyebrow, "I am sorry to hear that that happened, Lobelia. But what makes you so sure it was my children? Frodo and the Twins were confined to their rooms all night - still are in fact - and Mirninhen went to sleep early. My husband and I checked on them before we went to bed, which was close to 11, and they were all sound asleep."

Lobelia rolled her eyes, "Who else would it be? We do not have regular vandals in Hobbiton, and your children had the proper motive."

"Yes, because _my children_ wished to spend their night digging up a garden in revenge for a fight that was over and done with. If they wanted to do something, Lobelia, they would have targeted Lotho, not you. Do you have any proof that it was my children?"

If looks could kill, Bilba would have been very much dead by the way Lobelia was glaring at her. It was quite easy to imagine steam streaming from her ears.

"No. There was nothing to tell us who did it." Lobelia finally admitted after a minute of intense silence.

"Well, until you do, I thank you to keep your allegations away from my family. Now, unless you wish to have words about what you called my daughter upon your arrival, I suggest you leave. My husband and I have a lot of work to get done today and do not have the time to argue with you on our front step. Good day, Lobelia."

"Good day, Bilba. Keep your children close by you. If I catch them out of line or anywhere near my house, I will take this up with the mayor. Acts of vandalism and other delinquencies are sure to be enough evidence of the inadequacy of your parenting style to remove the children from your care into proper homes; especially now that Old Took has passed."

Gandalf had been quite content to stay in the background during Lobelia and Bilba's conversation. As an outsider, he was barely accepted as a friend let alone someone who became involved in the daily ins-and-outs of Hobbiton life and society; never mind that he wasn't exactly around enough to understand all the ties and underlying relationships, social standings, agreements, and so on that dictated life in the Shire. However, at Lobelia's threat, he could no longer stand by quietly.

"That is enough, Lobelia Sackville-Baggins." He moved in front of both Mirninhen and Bilba, blocking them from the vile woman's sight. "I will have you remember who you are talking to and whom her husband is. You will stay away from my family, or a ruined garden will be the least of your concerns."

Lobelia opened her mouth as if to argue, but fire leaped to life inside Gandalf's eyes. Closing her mouth with an audible *click,* Lobelia turned and stalked off down The Hill. Gandalf turned and shut the door to the house.

"That'll show her. Way to go, _Adar!_ " Mirninhen smiled up at Gandalf who frowned.

"I am only going to ask this once, young lady, and I'd better get the truth. Did you destroy Lobelia's garden?"

The excitement faded from Mir's face to be replaced with unease. She bit her lip and looked down at the floor.

"Answer your father, Mirninhen." Bilba's tone was as sharp as Gandalf's had been.

"Yes, Sir." Mir whispered. "I went out last night after you and _Naneth_ went to sleep. Nothing's ruined-ruined, well except for the hydrangeas. It can either all be re-planted or will grow back. I just -" She looked up at her parents, eyes brimming with tears. "She hurt Frodo and Iris and Dahlia. And she made you cry _Naneth!_ She can't just get away with that!"

Bilba groaned, bringing one hand up to pinch the bridge of her nose, "Mirninhen! You are 16 years old! You should know better than this. It doesn't matter what anyone else does or says, destroying their property is _never_ an option. Your father and I were handling the situation; that was not your place."

"Go to your room, Mirninhen." Gandalf commanded. "You are confined there until your mother and I say otherwise. Do not _think_ about stopping to talk to either your sisters or Frodo."

"Yes, Sir." Mir murmured and then darted down the hall.

"I need coffee." Bilba groaned. She turned back into the living room and collapsed into a chair, "What are we going to do with her?" She queried as Gandalf entered the room after her.

Gandalf sat in the chair next to his wife, "Congratulate her?"

Bilba glared, "We are not congratulating our daughter for destroying someone's property, Olorin."

Gandalf looked at his wife out of the corner of his eyes, "I'm not condoning the actions, _Lalaithnin_. But you have to admit, Lobelia did have it coming. And it was an ingenious way to get back at her. Even _I_ know how much Lobelia prizes those roses and hydrangeas."

Bilba tried without success to stifle a snort which quickly turned into laughter, "I can just picture Mir now, sneaking out last night. She had to have been so pleased with herself, rooting through the garden, figuring out which plant to destroy next. How Lobelia and Otho slept through the demolition of their garden, I will never know. It's not exactly a quiet occupation. I blame you entirely for this. Hobbit children would have _never_ thought of razing a garden in retaliation for a slight. That thought process comes entirely from the Maia blood running through her."

"I can assure you," Gandalf answered, "that I have never intentionally destroyed a garden."

Bilba quirked an eyebrow, "So you have unintentionally destroyed a garden?"

"There may have been a _few_ instances of accidental damage when I was younger. Most of them were Radagast's fault. He decided a few times that it would be wise to chase the rabbits in Yavanna's gardens. Do you remember the rabbits which pull his sledge now?"

"Yes." Bilba responded, her mind flashing back years to that fateful day that had led her, Gandalf, and the Company to Rivendell.

"Yavanna's are much faster. She was not pleased with us that day."

"No, I would assume not. Eru save us from the hairbrained schemes of Maia."

"It hasn't even gotten bad yet, just wait until her tween years."


End file.
